The old men were keen to continue their meeting right where they left off as soon as possible; that is once Gendo had delegated the post-battle tasks to Vice Commander Fuyutski and Major Katsuragi. The moment he sat down, the monoliths phased into sight and immediately after, Keel greeted him, "I am keen to continue where we left off though the recent battle has...certainly changed things."

How exactly they had found out what happened so soon was beyond him; then again, part of their agreement was he turn over all data about the Angel battles to them automatically following a sortie. He hadn't delayed the process from happening, as he had with Iruel and Leliel.

Because the gambit wasn't quite finished.

"However," Keel continued, "Such a deviation from the script can be worked with, especially since it solves the problem of the Lance of Longinus' loss. Unit 01 should work as a fine substitute in its stead."

A stab of possessiveness went through Gendo and he forced himself to remain neutral, letting it ripple through him.

When he didn't respond, another member piped up, "Have you nothing to say for yourself? Just because your actions can be adapted to our script doesn't mean they please us!"

"It was an unfortunate accident," he droned, "Its actions were unprecedented."

"Says you. We've noticed you refrained from deploying another Eva unit."

"Unit 04's pilot was in no shape for sortie and Unit 02 remains on its low priority status. I believed the Third Child was more than enough to defeat the Angel."

"The Third Child...or Unit 01 herself?"

"The distinction doesn't matter."

"Perhaps," yet another member chimed in, "It was a gambit in its own way. Ikari's son saw Lilith...so it might have proved fruitful to take him out of the picture, so to speak. The Angel and a loose end, both taken out in one fell swoop. Unit 01's acquisition of an S2 Drive was just the cherry on the top, huh, Ikari?" their tone dripped honey-sweet and mocking.

Once more, Gendo had to allow another emotion ripple through him and out; indignant fury.

"It's as I said," he droned, fighting to keep his tone level and not give these people an inch, "It was an accident."

"Accident or not, Ikari's actions have proved fruitful, though he might have not wanted them to," Keel cut in, "But we want Unit 01 on suspension, effective immediately."

"There still remains one Angel," Gendo argued, "Leaving me one pilot, a damaged one at that, seems unwise."

"Which is why we are also now lifting our orders on Unit 02. It appears its Adamite origin prevents full use of its S2 Drive. A risk, perhaps, but the last Angel must die before the way is clear for our apotheosis," Keel continued, "This meeting is adjourned."

With that final message, their monoliths blinked out, leaving the great Commander of NERV in darkness. Once satisfied he was alone, he let out a long sigh. The gambit, perhaps the last he may play on the old men, had paid off. His son, within Unit 01, was safe, his loss of the Lance was not forgiven but accepted and Unit 01 had integrated an S2 Drive, which meant the path to the promised day was all the more clearer.

He rose and lurked off to his office from the meeting room. Now, with that obstacle out of the way, his mind turned to the next ones in his path. Namely, the final Angel, who he long suspected to be lurking within their ranks. Watching...waiting...but how long? It would be the best time to strike, with his son out of the picture, but it had come to his attention the boy had remained with the Second Child after the battle.

Whatever the Angel was waiting for, Gendo knew his son's return was imperative. He needed him to rise to the occasion.

He lowered himself into his chair with a tired sigh and opened one of the top drawers. From it, he withdrew a picture which he tilted to catch the dim light filtering in from the windows.

There was three people within the photo; a beautiful woman with short brown hair cradling a smiling baby boy with shining blue eyes. Lurking behind them, as if he was intruding, was a man with shaggy black hair and an equally unkempt beard.

He had only destroyed most of the pictures.

He sighed as he closed his eyes. Even Fuyutski questioned his desire for Dr. Akagi to find a way to return his son to the waking world. According to him, leaving Shinji to his fate would allow him to "skip the queue" into Instrumentality. Within Unit 01, he would never come to harm again. All he would know was sweet dreams in his mother's embrace, even if the world ended around them.

But the only pilot left to his disposal openly hated him and worst, had a special connection with the final Angel.

No, he'd have to rely on his son just one more time.

---

It felt too long after the attack before Ritsuko got her chance to inspect Unit 01. It wasn't an easy task retrieving it, as they had to manually haul it back to one of the ejection tunnels. Misato had floated the idea of calling Asuka back to Unit 02 and having her help but Ritsuko axed the idea. The last thing they needed was for Unit 01 to wake back up and attack her, as unlikely a scenario that was.

"It's as you suspected," Maya reported, "Unit 01 is rejecting the ejection signal."

"What about the backup signal?"

"Its rejecting those too."

Misato stood at the back of the room, glowering past the window at the inert Unit 01. She didn't want to think of how Shinji felt, being trapped inside. Nor what he might have felt when his father threw him to the proverbial lions. The soft sound of footsteps stirred her from her brooding and she turned to find Rei standing in the doorway. She frowned, "Rei...what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to know if Shinji is alright."

Misato jerked her head in the direction of Ritsuko, "We're trying to figure that out."

"Ah," the girl's eyes drifted to the ground, "Shall I go?"

"...I don't think you being here is much trouble."

Hyuga called her over, "Major, we've established a connection to the plug's video monitor. Transmitting to main monitor now."

A collective gasp washed over the room as the image appeared. Within Unit 01's entry plug, all that remained was LCL and a floating white plugsuit; Shinji's plugsuit. Misato took a few shaky steps forward, as if the image would change if she looked closer. She grit out, "What...what the hell is this?!"

"This is the truth of 400% synchronization," Ritsuko said gravely, "Him and Unit 01 have synchronized so closely that all barriers between the two have dissolved. In other words, he has been taken inside of it."

"How is that even possible? What is Eva even?!" Misato demanded, advancing on her.

The look Ritsuko gave her was guarded, as if weighing her words carefully. She said, "It's something man created in its own image. I cannot describe it in any other way."

Could she not describe it at all...or just in present company? Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Maya, Hyuga and Aoba watching them. Carefully, she replied, "If we made it in our own image...it's likely it has a will of its own, then?"

Ritsuko's eyes widened, clearly impressed by her deductive reasoning. Slowly, she nodded, "It's not out of the question. The Eva, especially Unit 01, has moved on her own before...it's likely she has her own will and her own desires."

"You must open your heart to the Eva...but in doing so, she may open hers to you."

The pair turned to face Rei who stopped beside them, eyes fixed to the screen. She was trembling and, in the corner of her eyes, tears glistened, ready to fall. She murmured, "Shinji...he's gone?"

"Rei," Misato placed her hands on her shoulders, "No, no, Rei...don't cry."

She cast a confused, helpless look at Ritsuko who could only mirror her own expression and shrug. Rei's behavior was completely out of character...but now wasn't the time to question that. She murmured, "Dr. Akagi...Ritsuko will figure something out, okay?"

She turned to her friend, "You will...figure something out, right?"

Ritsuko nodded stiffly, her eyes never leaving Rei. "I've got some ideas already...I'll keep you updated."

Recognizing that as her cue to leave (and hopefully an implicit promise to tell her more) Misato snaked an arm around Rei and maneuvered her off the command deck and into the hallway beyond. Right after the door closed, Rei let out a choked sob.

"Rei, Rei," Misato crouched down so she could look her in the eye, "I said Ritsuko is going to figure it out. I'm sure of it."

To her surprise, Rei nodded, "I know...I just know Shinji will be alright but why do I feel like this? Why...why can't I stop crying? I'm never felt like this before…"

She frowned but reached to wipe an errant tear away, "Rei...even if you really do think he'll be okay, it's normal to be sad anyway. To be scared anyway. That's part of being human."

"Being human...," Rei trailed off, sniffling then wiping her tears away, "It's what it's like to be human…"

---

The Evangelion had taken Shinji once again.

That was the news Misato had brought her and Kaworu, when she found them to bring them home. She had expected the messenger to be Rei but the girl had been silent the entire ride home, tears glistening around her eyes. Asuka had wondered if she should ask but decided against it; reasoning it would be a stupid question to ask. So she reached out and took both her companions' hands to squeeze, hoping that would make up for her inability to give comfort.

Now she was alone in her room, listening to the silence of the apartment.

She had tried to get Rei or Kaworu (hopefully both) to come stay at the apartment, something Misato didn't protest to. But Rei told her she was too tired and Kaworu used that for his excuse. No doubt he didn't want to be around her.

Or anyone else. It wasn't just her, she mentally corrected.

She accepted that for it was pretty late, far past dinner. The pair had scavenged a dinner of instant ramen, something that felt a foreshadowing for the next however-long Shinji was away. Then Misato sequestered herself in her room and that's the last Asuka saw of her.

Asuka had retired to her room too, under the excuse that she ought to sleep, though she knew it was not likely. Now, in the dark, she unpacked the memories of the day and looked over in sharp detail.

Task the first: go over the battle and what had happened. The good thing was this time at least no one had to die. The bad news was that Unit 01's berserk stunt hadn't been prevented, merely delayed. She tried to banish the memory of Unit 01 pulling the Angel in and even seeming satisfied by its actions. Like it had turned an assault onto its head. Like she was well aware of what she was doing.

Her thoughts turned to Shinji's other parent. She couldn't shake the sense that this whole debacle had been something he had orchestrated, or at least counted on happening. He could have easily sent in Kaworu, or better yet herself to combat the thing and save Shinji.

How exactly she would have done that...she wasn't sure. But the idea that what had happened being the best case scenario didn't sit right with her.

Task the second: the matter of Shinji's disappearance into the Eva. Last time, it had been heralded by the Dummy Plug mangling Toji, Shinji running away then coming back to save the day. He had every right, she supposed, to want to hide away with mommy inside the Eva.

But this Shinji, the boy who desired to do whatever it takes? Even if the loops prior to this had been terrible, the idea he wanted to stay there didn't sit right to her. It didn't seem in character for this Shinji.

Which led her to her theory: it wasn't that Shinji didn't want to leave; it was that Unit 01 didn't want to let him go. Rei had told them before that you had to trust in your Eva and that she had a heart of her own. Combine that with her knowledge of where the souls of the Evas came before...it made a lot of sense they had desires of their own and that one might not want to let go of her son.

Verdammt, why did Unit 01—no, Shinji's mother have to be so damn dramatic! Her mother had the decency to go right back to sleep upon consuming her own S2 Engine and had even left her intact for the experience.

And now, task the third: Kaworu Nagisa. She let out a long sigh into the silence.

He was spiraling already, she could see it in his eyes. He had hardly said a word since being extracted from his Eva in favor of staring off into space, thinking about god-knows-what. She wanted to pry but there hadn't a chance yet for her to.

And she wasn't particularly good at being...delicate.

Before, he didn't seem to mind how direct she was when she asked him about what she should expect, what was coming and the like. But some part of her hesitated now. He felt like a mine field now, one where she would surely step on a mine.

But she would have to consult him. There remained but one Angel but she had a huge hole in her memory of this time. Most certainly because last time she had, after her final failure, slinked off into the ruins of Tokyo-3 to die. She knew Kaworu had been her replacement but what happened after that wasn't very clear. She didn't know even how long she should expect until its arrival.

Would fate allow them the time to wait or would it sink its teeth in them at their most vulnerable?

All she could ascertain from her previous memories was Kaworu had been involved somehow last time—perhaps by being infected or possessed by the Angel.

That made a lot of sense to her. He had mysteriously disappeared by the time the JSSDF had attacked. Shinji had become morose in the wake of that final Angel; Kaworu being collateral made a lot of sense with that context. He had lost someone who had come into his life and asked nothing but to love him. Him wanting to lie down and die afterwards...well, she can't say she'd do much differently if she was in his place.

She sighed deeply, letting herself sink into her bed.

Then there was Rei, whose reaction to Shinji's disappearance had been simultaneously baffling and completely understandable. She should go over, perhaps the next day, and try to talk to her. Make some attempt to comfort her, as feeble as it might end up being.

---

When getting home, Kaworu didn't even bother turning on the lights. He trudged to bed, laid down and stared at the familiar ceiling.

Life, reality...it was so unfair. So cruel. He had become too selfish, he decided. He had desired to make the most of his time with Shinji and fate decided to snatch him away. The time they already had together was waning and now, with Unit 01 having claimed him, it was even less.

There was no question of it either. This wasn't a matter of Shinji being too scared of coming out; it was a matter of Eva 01 not wanting to let him go.

He hadn't given Yui Ikari too much thought through the loops. He had entertained the idea before of her accepting their relationship, even if he was an Angel. And he had been grateful to her protecting Shinji time and time again. But, at the end of the day, he didn't know the woman well enough to harbor many strong feelings towards her.

He hadn't ever expected her to be an obstacle.

At least, until now.

He was so sad and so angry that she had taken him from him. He choked back a pained sob, throwing his arm across his face.

It was so, so unfair! Shinji, even if his boyfriend wished it wasn't the case, was his primary purpose. His reason to be. The only reason he was even in this mess. He had long ago decided he wouldn't be able to escape the loops alone and decided to be content with the time he spent with Shinji. But now, he couldn't even have that.

A thought flitted through his mind.

He could tear this whole terrible world to the ground, rip it asunder and start all over. It would be laughably easy. He knew the way to Terminal Dogma, to the basement, even without his AT Field. He could embrace Lilith in oblivion without anyone knowing until it was far, far too late.

Shinji and Asuka's stricken expressions flashed across his mind's eye and his heart constricted.

Of course, he couldn't do that and get away with it without them knowing. They'd remember. They'd hate him. They'd never trust him again.

"I hate this," he hissed into the empty air, "I hate all of this! I hate living like this! Why did I do this to myself?!"

Was any of this even worth it? If he couldn't prevent a cataclysm, then what point was there any change? He could make friends with everyone, kill every single one of his siblings, love Shinji as fiercely as he could...and it didn't stop the world from ending. His own death had to happen before the ending. As an Angel, he had but one fate: to die. If he didn't, humanity would die instead.

"Why can't I be like you?" he murmured, "If I was like you...it would hurt but at least I wouldn't be trapped."

But he wasn't human and his time was looming. The doomsday clock was ticking ever closer to midnight but just before, he'd be bid to play his role. He would no longer be Kaworu Nagisa, but Tabris the Angel of Free Will and Adam Incarnate.

Free will...what a joke.

Did he hope Shinji's return would come before the clock hand pointed to him? He could be afforded a few more precious moments with him; happy moments to string onto a rosary to take with him to whatever came next.

Or might it be better if it came after? Shinji would be spared the raw pain of his death—better yet, spared the action of being his executioner.

A new image came to his mind's eye; Asuka in her blood-red plugsuit, staring at her own hands with horror.

Ah...then the task would fall to her.

Truly his existence consisted of no good endings, only sadness, pain and betrayal.

---

Morning came and Rei awoke from yet another restless sleep. Her hopes that she could ask Dr. Akagi for sleep aid had been dashed, now that more important endeavors were on her plate. Still, she rose, reasoning staying in bed would only worsen her stormy psyche. Some tea and breakfast would surely rouse her.

She started boiling the water for tea, using a fancy kettle Shinji had told her he read was good for doing this. She honestly didn't know how much better it was than just using a regular pot. But he always used it to make their tea so she decided to use it too.

Shinji was gone. But he was bound to return.

Kaworu had prophecized that first statement and had been correct. She had felt it in her mind—no, her soul that he was correct, even before she learned he was.

Which meant the second statement, the one she desperately needed to be true, would come correct.

That's how it should work...right?

She couldn't figure out why she had such a strong sense that it would come true, even as her mind told her that, logically, she really didn't know. Humans couldn't tell the future, as Asuka had told her once. Telling the future was the domain of shady fortunetellers and scam artists. Knowing one's fate was impossible.

Yet she knew it, in her heart of hearts, that Shinji wouldn't leave her and the rest of his friends alone in this terrible world. Maybe that wasn't prophecy, but her implacable faith in him.

And not to mention, he hadn't told her goodbye. If he was leaving forever, he would have said goodbye—or rather, see you later. Because saying goodbye was just too sad.

A knock at her door followed by Asuka's yell of, "Rei, it's me!" broke her from her thoughts so she went to answer the door, her heart just a little bit lightened. Either by her revelation or Asuka's visit.

Once she opened the door, Asuka beamed, "Oh good, you didn't ignore me!"

"Have I...ever ignored you before?"

"Considering the circumstances, I expected you not to answer."

She came right inside without being invited, something that would be impolite to anyone else. Rei didn't mind Asuka taking up her space; she herself filled up so little of it anyway. She mused, "I've heard pushing others away hardly helps."

"It really doesn't," she said in a tone that implied she knew from experience.

She led Asuka to the table and set another mug out for her. "Do you like tea?" she asked.

Asuka nodded, "It's alright. Do you have black?"

Rei smiled and nodded, turning away to retrieve a couple black tea bags for her.

She decided she'd make breakfast for the both of them two, recalling her instruction from Shinji. According to him, there was over a dozen ways to make eggs easily, rice was impossible to mess up and miso soup (if not made by scratch) was so simple a toddler could make it. Since her culinary experience was that of a toddler, she found his advice helpful.

As she made all three, Asuka watched, fascinated by the action. She asked, "Did Shinji teach you?"

"A little," she admitted, "He was unhappy about no one teaching me."

"Sounds about right."

They stood in silence for some minutes more as Rei prepared the rice. Then Asuka asked out of the blue, "Say...do you mind if I ask you a personal question or is that too weird?"

Rei tilted her head, though didn't face her, too preoccupied with carefully portioning the rice out. "I've asked you questions like that so it's only fair."

"Whatever you feel for Shinji...it isn't romantic, is it?"

Rei actively recoiled then hissed in frustration when a smattering of rice fell onto the floor. "Ah hell," Asuka hissed from behind her and rushed to help, "I'm going to take that as a no."

"The nature of our bond is not romantic," Rei said stiffly and, by how her friend winced, that got across how inappropriate she found the question.

"Sorry. Let me help you to make it up for it," Asuka murmured, keeping her eyes averted as she retrieved some paper towels.

Rei knew exactly where she came from and who she was. And she knew that any romantic relationship between her and Shinji would be...distasteful. How much of their genes they shared she didn't know and frankly she didn't care.

Because she didn't want to be his mother or want to be his wife. She was his...friend...though lately even that seemed inadequate to describe her feelings towards him. She didn't know how but, like she knew he was going to return, she just knew they had some special bond. Not quite friend, certainly not romantic but something almost...cosmic. Cosmic...that felt like the right word.

As they cleaned up the rice then finished making breakfast, Asuka apologized, "Sorry again. I can tell I insulted you."

"Aren't you the one who hates it when people apologize when they shouldn't?" Rei asked, a mischievous spark in her eyes.

Asuka scowled. Great, she was being a hypocrite. At the very least, the look in her eye told her that it was water under the bridge.

Once they settled down to eat, Rei decided to clarify, "Me and Shinji are friends, nothing more. Though he is rather special to me. He was my first friend, even though...I wasn't much of a person then. You could say I was a doll."

Asuka immediately frowned, "You're not a doll."

"I remember you told me that once."

Of course, back then when all the memories of the previous world were bright in her mind's eye, hot as molten iron. She hadn't meant to make the comparison then, it had slipped right out. She shoveled some rice into her mouth, just so she wasn't expected to reply right away. Swallowing thickly, she said, "Well, I can tell you and Shinji had a whole adventure before I showed up."

"You could say that. Perhaps one day, me or him could tell you all about it."

---

A boy awoke in a place. It was a warm place with odd red liquid. It seemed like he was alone.

This place seemed familiar, though why exactly he couldn't place it. He had been here before, maybe even many times or even places that felt like this.

"I don't know where I am," he murmured into the emptiness.

The place radiated a feeling of warmth and comfort at him. It didn't matter where he was; just that he was safe.

"But I'm alone."

He wasn't. Because there was someone else here.

"Who are you?"

A sense of disappointment and sadness. But no explanation.

He felt like he should be frowning. He should know who this is but, without a sense of himself, he could not identify others.

"Who am I?"

That same feeling of warmth and comfort. That same sense that that hardly mattered. Because he was safe.

If he had a body or any form at all, he might have furrowed his eyebrows. It felt like knowing who he was was rather important. It was, he decided, even though the other here didn't agree with him. But it didn't matter if they did because he was his own person.

So how did one define themselves without any sense of self?

...by others. But there were no others here, weren't there?

He reached back into his memories, through the haze, rifling through and pulling out an image of…

...a woman with purple hair, like the demon, but wearing a cross, like an angel. An angel with a lowercase a because he seemed to believe there was a rather important distinction there. She was holy and unholy; someone who deeply cared for him but had her own darknesses.

An image of her, standing above him, wearing a black visor and a red coat came to mind. Her gaze upon him was cold.

That didn't make sense though, did it?

He didn't remember her being that cold...but she was and wasn't. His memories showed him a new visage of her, beaming and bright. That one felt more familiar. So who was she to him...something like a mother?

The other in here with him radiated a cold annoyance, something that only seemed to confirm she was only like a mother to him. Not his mother but a sort of stand-in.

His mind presented him a new other: a girl with blazing red hair and bright blue eyes. She was fire incarnate, blazing like a comet. She was the sun, demanding everyone's attention. She was a bright light, hoping to outshine her own darkness.

And she was a cherished friend. Friend...that felt right.

This hadn't always been the case; his mind supplied the image of her glowering at him from the other side of a glass pane.

That didn't make sense though, did it?

He didn't remember her being that angry...but she was and wasn't. His memories showed him a new visage of her, determined and fierce. That one felt more familiar. So she was his friend, though they hadn't always been.

Once more, his mind presented him someone new: another girl his age with icy blue hair and striking red eyes. She was ice, or better yet water, flowing and branching off into a thousand ways like a river. She was the moon, constant companion in the darkness. She was the lighthouse beacon, beckoning him home.

She was his friend...maybe more, something cosmic.

He was struck by the visage of her standing on a train with him. Her hands in his, her expression warm.

That shouldn't make sense...but it made more sense than the others had.

Though that's not how he always remembered her, as his mind supplied her standing silhouetted against the moon, mysterious yet devoted. She was more than his friend, in a way he couldn't define, even when he could define all else.

His mind found another other and he was struck by this one; a boy like and unlike him with silvery hair and the same bright red eyes as the moon girl. He was the sky, a constant in his life no matter how it changed. He was heaven, the place where he felt safe and loved. He was the light peeking from the clouds, telling him that no matter what, it would be alright.

He was a friend but maybe something else. A companion who'd never leave him who, as he tried to define himself by him, did so in turn.

He was struck by the visage of him looking at him sadly, a black band around his neck, not unlike a noose.

He didn't want that one to make sense, but it made too much sense.

His mind presented him with a softer memory; the heaven boy, eyes wide and surprised as another boy leaned in to give him a kiss before he fled down the hall. So, that was the nature of their relationship.

Their relationship…

The other boy came to his mind's eye; a boy with scruffy brown hair and eyes the color of the ocean. This was the other half of his and that boy's relationship. This was Shinji Ikari which meant…

...with a sharp gasp, he became suddenly aware of himself.

That was right.

He was Shinji Ikari.

Which meant, the other person here was…

His mind sunk him into not an image but a full memory. His surroundings were hazy, like a half-remembered dream but he could tell he was in some sort of lab, pressing his face against the glass and looking down onto a chamber below. Beyond was the half-made demon—what he would later learn was Unit 01, unarmored and with multiple cords and wires strung up to it. Gleaming in its chest was its Core, brilliant red and crystalline. Behind him, he could hear someone's voice and, though he couldn't discern what they were saying, they sounded annoyed. There was a reply and then...

"I'm sorry, Professor Fuyutski. I'm the one who brought him."

A woman stepped into view beside Evangelion Unit 01. She wore a pure white plugsuit, with a pair of protrusions from the back, giving her the appearance of an angel. Like her chariot, a number of cords were plugged into the suit. She looked up at him, warm brown eyes meeting his own sea blue ones, and smiled.

"I want to show my child the bright future."

She turned away, climbing the framework around the Evangelion until she stood on the catwalk that led directly above its Core. His heart constricted. He knew what was coming, what was next…

The memory fizzled out and he found himself floating underwater in the red sea. Someone behind him wrapped her arms around him and murmured, "Baby...you don't have to remember what comes next. It's just too sad."

"...Mother…" he murmured.

---

"Salvage operation...that sounds so...crude…,"

It had been a couple days since Ritsuko and Misato had last spoken and confirmed Shinji's condition. The afternoon found them on the catwalk before Unit 01. Most of its armor from its head down to its waist had been stripped off, leaving the underneath bandaged. In fact, the only part of it that was visible was a single, bright green eye and its toothy mouth, giving the expression of it giving the women a ghoulish grin.

Ritsuko frowned, "I suppose it sounds rather crude but then again, I didn't come up with it. If all goes well, it will be less a "salvage" and more a "retrieval".

"You're going to have to explain to me what that is," Misato deadpanned.

Ritsuko gestured to her companion and biggest help so far: Maya who was standing beside her. She perked up and began to explain, "Shinji's still in there! But he's lost his ego border so he's in the entry plug in quantum form. We just need to separate his form from the LCL, reconstruct his body then anchor his psyche within!"

Misato stared at her blankly then deadpanned again, "...I think I need that in terms I'll understand. I don't have a doctorate in this sort of thing."

Maya slumped slightly but Ritsuko set a hand on her shoulder, giving her the strength to straighten back up. She explained, "The substances that make up Shinji remain in the plug, indistinguishable from the LCL, as it bears a resemblance to the water of primitive Earth."

Misato furrowed her eyebrows, "Like...the primordial soup."

"I believe you see what I'm getting at. Hopefully, with the right coaxing, we can get him to re-assume his previous form with these substances. Allow him to pull himself away from the Evangelion, separate his will from its will. Once he can perceive his own form, he should return to us."

"It's like Rei said," Misato murmured, "It has a heart...so it has a will."

Ritsuko nodded slowly then turned to Maya, "Maya, could you go back to the command deck and run a few more tests on the composition of the Entry Plug's interior? I'll catch up."

Maya nodded quickly, "Will do!" and with that, left them alone on the catwalk.

As she watched her disappear, Misato smiled, "You and Maya have something special, huh?"

Ritsuko smoothed her face over into an intentional stony mask, "I haven't a clue what you're insinuating, Major."

Misato's smile widened into a grin, "Alright, keep your secrets but I see right through you."

Ritsuko held her mask for a few moments before she let it slip, showing her true, tired expression, "I sent her away because the less she knows, the better. She's a...flower in a cold, cruel world. I'd like to keep her from that world so...take that as you will."

Well, now she couldn't tease her with a clean conscious! So instead, she ventured, "I take it you sent her away because you had more to discuss."

Ritsuko cast a glance at the ghoulish visage of the Evangelion then the ceiling. Looking back at her companion, she murmured, "I've had the audio to this room shut off so we may speak freely. Let me ask you a question: since when did you feel comfortable with asking so many questions?"

Misato bristled. Did she know that she had seen what was in the basement? Or did she know she knew more about Kaji's disappearance. She said lowly, "What do you know about me asking questions?"

"Maybe not so much," Ritsuko murmured, "But I have gotten the sense you're no longer satisfied with what you're told."

Misato remained tense. How much could she reveal that she knew to her? Even though her affections lay with Maya, she was still in league with the Commander. That last thing she wanted was to be shot in some back alley because she knew too much. She said slowly, "After Kaji disappeared, I learned he was...looking into some things. I'm sure whatever he was looking into is why he disappeared."

If Ritsuko saw through her deception, she didn't show it. Instead she gave a bark of laughter, "Of course, Kaji's involved with this. And I heard you didn't know where he went."

"I don't know where he went," Misato corrected harshly, "I don't even know if he's alive or dead!"

Ritsuko sighed, "Alright, I'm sorry. Should have known you'd be touchy about that."

Misato only huffed in response. Her companion continued, "Listen. I know you don't trust me. And I know our friendship has been...very tenuous. I'd like to make it up to you."

Misato blinked in surprise, "Make it...up to me?"

Ritsuko, instead of making any response, turned to completely face Unit 01. And even though Misato could have done without looking at it more than necessary, she followed suit. Ritsuko murmured, "We've established the Evas has hearts of their own...wills...desires...why might you think that'd be?"

"Is this a riddle?"

"I think you should come to your own conclusion."

Misato, even though she didn't want to, looked Eva Unit 01 in its alien green eye. She scowled at it, "Well, they're just copies of the thing from the South Pole, aren't they?"

"For the most part."

It clicked. "Except Unit 01."

"That's right. She's a completely different beast from the rest."

Misato looked at Unit 01 and, in her mind's eye, saw Lilith up on her cross. She nodded slowly, "What's the significance of that?"

"How about you think back to my "riddle"? You never answered that."

"If they have their own wills and desires...then they're human in a way."

Ritsuko nodded, "What does every religion all around the world insist makes a human? That one component that, until rather recently was thought of as mere myth...imagination?"

Misato couldn't tell if Ritsuko was getting a weird kick out of questioning her like this, really thought it would benefit her to come to her own conclusion or if she was giving herself an out, in case this came out. She chewed on her lip for a moment before she offered, "A...soul? But...the Eva can't have a soul! Souls can't be made...can they?"

"You're right. For all our technological advances, we haven't grasped the ability to make a soul."

Ritsuko, with a grim frown, continued, "To tell you the truth, Shinji's salvage operation won't be the first, or even the second time we've attempted one."

Misato's chest tightened with confusion. She had said she didn't come up with the term, after all. She croaked, "Attempted? None of these have even worked?"

"Worked the way they were supposed to," Ritsuko corrected, "The second salvage operation took place shortly after Unit 02's creation. After her...Contact Experiment. It worked...in a way. They were able to pull back Kyoko Soryu."

"That's Asuka's mother," Misato's face fell, "Are you saying...she went insane because some science experiment. Are you saying it did something to her soul?!"

"That's the theory," Ritsuko nodded gravely, "Something went wrong and, when she was pulled back, part of her soul had been left behind in Unit 02. Without that piece of her, Kyoko went mad."

Misato covered her face, trying to hide her grimace. She had read all the sordid details in Asuka's file. How, one day, Kyoko Soryu deteriorated, as if overnight. After attacking her husband, who she apparently didn't even recognize, she was put into a ward. A stay that was only thought to last a few weeks stretched into many months, when her condition refused to respond to any medication or treatment.

Apparently, she had even stopped recognizing her own daughter, instead adopting a doll as a stand-in. One day, Asuka had snuck into the room, hoping that maybe close up she would recognize her—

—only to be attacked by her mother who tried to strangle her to death.

Shortly after, Kyoko hung herself and the doll she had come to believe was her daughter. Whether that was indicative of guilt was a question that would never be answered.

She gathered herself with a sharp inhale and let her hand fall. "That's not the whole story though...is it? You only mentioned a "second Salvage Operation"."

"How astute. The first one took place after Unit 01's own Contact Experiment."

Misato already knew where this was going, "That's the one which killed Shinji's mother."

"Killed in the eyes of the world, perhaps," Ritsuko murmured, her gaze returned to Unit 01, "That first operation failed. The best we got out of it was a few DNA samples from the woman...but nowhere near the woman herself."

Suddenly, Misato felt very small and watched under the towering height of Unit 01. Her knees buckled and she forced herself to stay upright. Clapping a hand over her mouth in shock, she murmured, "So...she's still in there...with Shinji."

"I knew you'd figure it out with just a little help," Ritsuko said quietly.

"That's why it acts on its own sometimes. But...how are you going to get Shinji out of there then?! What if she stops it or interferes or...what if she's keeping him there?" Misato stumbled over, grabbing her by the shoulders, "Ritsuko, we can't leave him in there!"

"I will try my best. I swear...that boy is something special to you," she said as she carefully and gingerly untangled Misato's hands from her shoulders.

Straightening up, she continued, "I haven't dismissed the possibility that there will be interference. But, according to his psych profile, Shinji not returning would be rather out of character, even with his existing depression and anxiety. I'm hoping all he needs is...," she gestured, "...a little help out."

"A little help," Misato murmured, casting another look at Unit 01. She inhaled and stood straight, attempting to give the appearance of keeping her composure, "Alright. I leave it to you."

She turned and almost walked away before she stopped. She asked without looking at her friend, "Say, Ritsuko...is this really just to "make it up to me"? Or...is there something more?"

"You really don't trust me still?" Ritsuko's voice betrayed a note of dismay.

"It's not that I don't trust you, it's just…," she trailed off, unsure on how to continue.

"Misato...it's complicated. I'll be keen to talk to you more later. Meet me in my office again in a few days, near midnight. I should have a little time then," and with that confusing invitation, she pushed past her and left her alone.

---

Having not talked to Kaworu for a few days (though not without trying), Asuka went to do her daily 'knock on his door and yell at him to come out' routine. When that failed, she usually went to visit Rei or the other way around. The apartment felt suffocating without anyone else and with Misato at work all the time nowadays, Rei was proving her only means of reliable social interaction.

She had entertained the idea of going by Hikari's place but decided against it, in case the other girl had left already without having the chance to say goodbye.

Today's bout of silence was not Kaworu ignoring her. In fact, he'd happily take spending time with her, even with how invasive she was sure to be, over his current task.

The old men had called him and he was helpless but to obey.

It was hardly fair he had to answer them still with everything else had happened. He hadn't the chance to fully process the battle with Armisael and Shinji's disappearance before they sent him a message, inviting him to the shore of one of the Ashinoko Lakes.

Part of him regretted not taking on Armisael himself. He might have been able to spare Shinji his fate himself.

The other part of him was glad for it, as it didn't want to know what she might have said to him. She might have tempted him into doing something...terrible.

Dimly, he remembered a loop long past where she had done that. It was early on, he had been lonely and the promise of one of his siblings understanding him was intoxicating. The two Angels had become one and the only reason the world hadn't ended that day was because Rei had given her life, as she had many many times before, to prevent it.

Unfurling his AT Field just enough to levitate on top of the damaged Angel statue at the lake's edge, he reflected on her. Her life was so unfair, just like his. Truly two sides to the same coin.

SEELE's monoliths phased around him and the head, Keel, greeted him, "It has been some time, Tabris."

He smiled tightly, "It has. Perhaps too long."

"It matters little, with how close we are to completion. Onto matters. We've heard recently that Unit 01 was allowed to absorb Armisael's S2 Organ and it appears, unlike Unit 02, it fully activated it. "

"'Unexpected accident'. As if!," another member, 04, grumbled.

"Indeed," Keele agreed, "According to Ikari, Unit 01's actions were an "unexpected accident". Yet we have evidence he not only purposefully put it in the line of fire but allowed its apotheosis to occur. He's grown more bold and more comfortable in defying us. Most certainly the fact it's put its pilot out of commission is only a bonus to his whole crusade."

"At the very least, its apotheosis has allowed us an alternate method, now that the Lance has been lost," yet another, 06, cut in.

Keel spoke once more, "It will be time for our own countermeasures soon. You know what we speak of, correct, Tabris?"

He nodded slowly, saying quietly, "I do."

"Good. Take no action until the Third Child has returned. We cannot risk any impurities to taint our own apotheosis."

Kaworu forced back a glare at the casual use of "impurity". "Understood," he told them, "No action will be taken."

"Good. We are glad, as always, of your cooperation. This will most certainly be the last time we speak. Do not fail us; you know the consequences."

"The consequences," he echoed.

"Indeed," he could practically hear the smile in Keel's voice, "You are aware of your backups but we are also aware of how close you've become to the other Pilots, specifically the Second and Third Child. And considering the Third is out of commission at the moment…"

The implied threat was clear. Obey us or Asuka will see the consequences. He allowed his face to relax and gave a smile, "I understand. Your kingdom come, your will shall be done, on Earth as it shall be in heaven."

This certainly placated Keel as his tone lightened, "Good. God shall be in his heaven and all will be right in the world. Farewell, Tabris."

And with that, the monoliths blinked out. He remained there for a few minutes more, staring off across the lake, his heart heavy. The jaws of fate were closing around him and he had no way to escape them.

He could run, he could hide, he could lash out, he could bring this whole terrible world to its knees—but none of those seemed to work. He had run before but SEELE would catch him every time, locating him by means unknown to him, then drag him back to face his fate. If there was a way to end this dreaded cycle, then the survivors would have to walk over his dead body to get there.

He at least had one small rebellion he could afford. He'd wait for Shinji's return and then he'd wait for as long as he could after, ignoring then resisting the call of his soul as long as he could.

He levitated back off the statue and landed on solid ground, folding his AT Field tight against his soul, as if that might bring some comfort. He should go home and talk to Asuka, finally. She was bound to ask about the final Angel and he hadn't quite figured out his answer for her yet.

He should tell her the truth...it would be right.

But guilting himself wasn't working. The fear was too great.

With a defeated sigh, he trudged up the beach and back onto the road.

He walked for maybe ten minutes, mind wandering blankly as he headed home before a call broke through his thoughts, "Hey! Kaworu!"

He stopped to find Misato and her blue Alpine slowly to a stop beside him. She leaned out and gave him a smile, "Need a lift back home?"

Part of him desired to be alone and use his time heading home for it. But another part, perhaps the part he could call human, was so very lonely. He nodded, "That'd be nice," and took the opportunity to get into the passenger seat.

As they took off, Misato chanced a glance at her passenger. Kaworu looked...tired, a far cry from the serene boy she had met months ago. His red eyes were dulled and slightly sunken in, dark shadows creasing the bottom of them. Even his hair was more messier than usual and slightly dull, instead of bright, well-groomed silver. He had his hands folded in his lap but his entire posture suggested he was tense, as if waiting for...something.

If he was some special asset of the committee, she couldn't fathom the pros of letting him deteriorate like this. Neglect seemed the best explanation.

She broke the silence, "So what were you doing all the way out here?"

He startled and blinked at her, "Um...what did you say?"

"I was asking why you were all the way out here? It's not like you to space out like that."

He bowed his head and murmured, "As you might guess...I have a lot on my mind. I went for a walk to see if I might sort it out but I suppose I wandered too far."

That made sense to Misato. He couldn't go into the interior of the city and do a lot. The exodus of Tokyo-3's citizens was leaving the city more and more deserted. Sure, the city had gotten lucky and escaped most damage after Zeruel but the people only expected more and more destruction the longer they went without it. Better to get out while they still could.

She murmured, "You miss Shinji, don't you?"

"...I miss him so much my heart hurts," Kaworu murmured, his voice cracking halfway through.

Misato's heart nearly broke in half and she had to wonder if Kaji's hunch about this kid being an enemy asset wasn't just his own paranoia.

She reached over and gave one of his hands a gentle if awkward pat. "Ritsuko pulled me aside and told me she's already got a good idea on how she's going to get him back. She thinks Shinji probably wants to come out and just needs...a little push," she assured him.

"A little push?" the boy echoed.

Misato nodded, "We know Shinji...sure, he's shy and passive...but he's not going to leave us. I'm sure she's right and he wants to come back."

Kaworu quietly thought of the many Shinjis he had known before, all so tormented and depressed that the lure of the Eva and a return to her proverbial mother's womb was too tempting to ignore.

But not this Shinji...not his Shinji. It was such an odd thought, and honestly a little sad, that he had matured so much without him noticing. He had already been through some of the worst reality had to offer; he couldn't run away now! He had to return to him, he just had!

"Thank you, Misato," he gave her a soft smile, "That really helps."

"It's what I'm here for, isn't it?"

He nearly let the rest of their ride lapse into silence at that. But, there was no guarantee he'd get another chance to talk to her like this. It only felt right he thanked her for all she had done for him.

He shook his head, "You aren't my guardian, not like Asuka and Shinji...but I appreciate everything you've done for me."

Her face softened, "Awww, Kaworu...it's really nothin' though. It just wouldn't sit right for me to not do anything for you. You're just a kid, someone needs to look out for you."

For the first time in a while, he wished he just was a kid and he could lay all his worries in the hand of a trusted adult. He was so tired and would like to rest for a while. He murmured, "Well, it's only right I tell you how I feel."

The car went silent and somewhat tense. Then, as if unsettled by it, Misato gave a nervous laugh, "Stop talking like that. Makes me feel like you think we're never going to see each other again."

He smiled a tight, sad smile, "I guess recent events have just...made me think of my own mortality, is all."

The rest of the car ride was spent in that tense, awkward silence. Kaworu knew he had certainly rattled her and, since she didn't know what to say, she didn't say anything at all. He felt terrible for doing that but still felt compelled to make sure she knew she meant something to him. Maybe, when she learned what monster he was, she might remember that and spare him some sympathy.

When they rolled up to the apartment complex and Kaworu got out, Misato gave him a wave, "Be sure to talk to Asuka too! She keeps telling me she can't get you to open up and that, when you do, she's going to kick your ass!"

He chuckled, genuinely, "I was planning on it so I suppose I'll have to, as they say, "have my ass beat" then."

That earned a bout of laughter from her as she drove away, probably back to NERV HQ and work. He returned her wave and lingered until her car left his sight. Then, with an inhale to steel himself, he headed up to their floor.

He needed another, deeper inhale to prepare himself when he came to Misato's apartment and knocked on the door. It took her a few moments but Asuka opened the door and, upon seeing him cried, "Kaworu, you idiot!"

Then, rather than kick his ass, she embraced him. In her hold, he went still and murmured, "This really is something new, isn't it…"

Immediately, she let him go and he regretted saying anything at all. She grumbled, "Well...just don't bring attention to it and don't think anything weird."

"Humans are a social species," he mused softly, "There's nothing weird about touch."

She smiled, "There's the weirdo I know. Come on in and we can chill."

She led him into the kitchen and asked, "You like black tea? I know you Japanese like your green tea but I just can't get past the herby taste," she stuck her tongue out for good measure.

"You'll make tea?"

She turned on him and pouted, "What? Like it's hard?"

"Ah...that's the wrong question," he tilted his head slightly, "I mean, you like tea?"

"Well enough," she shrugged, "Rei made me some so I'm gonna make you some and when Shinji comes back, you can make him some!"

There was certainly more to her gesture and her statement but he decided against digging further and making her change her mind. So he smiled and nodded, "I like black tea."

He contentedly listened to her chatter and fill the apartment with sound, as she told him that she did prefer coffee to tea but it was too late in the day for coffee (and that Misato didn't seem to mind what time of day she herself drank it, ever since she had replaced all her beer with it).

She served them both tea, his with only just enough sugar to sweeten it and hers with enough sugar to make an American blush. She allowed him his silence long enough to have a couple sips before she pressed, "I thought you weren't going to go off n' hide anymore?"

"I just said I knew it wasn't right to close oneself off," he stared into the amber color of his tea, "But I still couldn't help myself from doing it. Like...no one…"

He looked up to meet her eyes. She tilted her head slightly, as if to say 'go on'. He swallowed thickly and forced the words up his throat, "Like no one might get how I feel."

She scowled, "We all miss Shinji. Maybe not exactly like you but...well, where would we be without the guy? We both know he'll be back. He's got a knack for that sort of thing."

He nodded slowly, not entirely comforted. It wasn't her fault. It hadn't been exactly what he was thinking about when he lamented how no one else could understand him. He murmured, hopefully soft enough so no prying ears might hear, "He has before."

She beamed, "That's the spirit! I know you miss him, probably pretty badly...but think about it that way?"

"That's the way I'll think of," he trailed off, "Shinji does have a certain knack for beating the odds, no matter how impossible."

Asuka leaned back dangerously in her seat, "I'm not much of a believer in any religion or anything...but I bet someone up there loves him very, very much…"

Just as Shinji has a knack for beating the odds, Asuka was quick gaining a knack for accidentally on touching things beyond her scope of knowledge. Deciding to not dwell on it long, he suggested, "Do you think we should go for a walk?" hoping she'd catch on.

To his surprise, she shook her head, "Let's wait until tomorrow. I think we should pick someone up on our way."

He hadn't wanted to involve Mari in this but telling Asuka that might invite more questions than he needed. Mari wasn't exactly known for her tact but she was known for her cleverness. Hopefully, if she had picked up on what he was (and she most certainly had), she'd just keep her mouth shut about it. Stiffly, he nodded, "Very well."

"In fact, stay over!" she suggested, leaning forward so quickly so her chair made a sharp clack against the floor, "I'm going to go insane being alone in here!"

"I do imagine that'd be quite the change," he conceded, "But where would I sleep?"

"We've got a couch, I know we have a spare futon," a mischievous smile stole across her face, "I don't think Shinji would mind you borrowing his."

That got the intended reaction as his face went as red as his eyes; a sight for Asuka's sore eyes. He sputtered, "That's! I'd...I wouldn't!"

She batted her eyelashes innocently, "What? You don't think it'd be sweet for Shinji to come back, lie down for a good rest and realize, wow! It smells like him…"

"That's...that's...that's so indecent!" he snapped and she cackled, secretly glad to have at least brought him a little out of his shell.

---

"Yes, that's right," Yui murmured from behind him, "It's your mother. But...you knew I've been in here all this time."

"That's right," Shinji agreed in a whisper, feeling unsure about raising it much louder against her, "I've known for a while now."

A memory flashed through his mind; him, the old Vice Commander, a game of shogi, the photo of him and his mother and that honeycomb pattern in the wall, filled with those terrible heads—

—the memory was brushed away with a sense of simmering fury not his own.

His mother murmured, "I told you. You don't need to remember sad things like that."

"They're sad but they still matter," he countered.

"But none of that matters now," her embrace around him tightened, suddenly uncomfortable, "We're together now and we don't need to be apart ever again."

He cast a glance upwards to the surface of the sea where a far-off light, which could have been the sun or moon or some other light in the sky, lingered, as if beckoning him upwards and out of the sea. He went to shrug her off, "But I've got to go back. I still have to fight."

Her grip proved tighter than she imagined and around him, he could feel the sea warm. She said, lowly, "You don't need to do that anymore. Haven't you done enough?"

A series of memories flashed across his subconscious. A bright, armor-melting beam hitting him directly in the chest and drowning him in white-hot agony. A weight greater than any other burden, pressing down on his arms, threatening to shatter them. A razor slice, slicing an arm off as if it took little effort. An intrusion, worming its way into his veins, into his body, into his very soul, searing straight through his very being.

"You've fought so hard already. You've suffered so much for them. Wouldn't a rest be nice?"

With a lurch, he lunged forward, breaking free of her grasp. The world shifted around them and he found himself at the edge of a lake, just as blood red as the sea. The sky above was dark and speckled with stars and galaxies. Notably, the moon was absent; not in its new phase but completely absent. He whirled around to face his mother, who was dressed in a bright, flowery sundress and a sun hat, that seemed to cast her face in perfect shadow.

He shook his head, "I suffered so much...but that was my choice!"

She sighed, "And what have any of them done to deserve you going through all this to save them? They've been vindictive to you."

A memory of Asuka slapping him flitted across his mind's eyes.

"Cold to you."

A memory of Rei coldly glaring him down after slapping him, right after he admitted he had no faith in his father."

"Harsh to you."

WILLE Captain Misato glaring at him of the corner of her eye, immediately after being retrieved and brought onto the WUNDER.

"Hurt you beyond comprehension."

A memory of Kaworu watching him sadly as the DSS Choker slowly wound up, glowing red with malevolence.

"Get out of my head!" he demanded, waving his arms in front of his face, as if it might dispel the memories, "Why do you have to focus on all the bad!? Those are my friends!"

"Asuka listened to me and understood me even when I could tell I had hurt her before!"

Him and Asuka sitting under the streetlight, right after they had confided in the other.

"Rei's put her life on the line for me!"

Unit Zero stepping into Ramiel's beam of light, hefting its rocket shield and then using her own body to protect him.

"Misato is more of a parent than anyone else right now!"

Misato and him sitting on the hood of the Alpine, sipping at their sodas, right after the depressing meeting at Yui's own grave.

"Kaworu's not even human but he loves me like one!"

Him quickly pressing his lips to Kaworu's, relishing in the contact, even though he knew what it meant—really meant.

Yui slumped, shaking with an emotion he could not identify. She whispered, "You'd choose all those people...all those people over me?"

"Mom…," his heart constricted, "You had to leave me...so I had to figure out how to cope without you. It's not fair to them if you try to take me away now."

Instead of her conceding, she tipped her head back and wailed. The world snapped out of focus and for one terrible moment, he felt like he was falling, through the air and then crashing once more into the red sea. He looked up, watching the moon, sun and sky fade from view as he sunk deeper. He struggled but became aware of something holding his foot.

When he looked down, he saw, lurking in the red depths, was the devil-like visage of Unit 01 without her helmet, its gigantic hand holding onto his leg.

He shrieked in terror.