It had been mere hours after the battle against Zeruel and the night found Gendo and Fuyutski in the former's office. They were overlooking the Geofront which had been pockmarked with various pits and gashes thanks to the great struggle. If the outside of the NERV pyramid hadn't been as armored as it was, it wouldn't have gotten away with just a scar. While Gendo betrayed no emotion on his face, he had sat there for some time, lost in thought. Fuyutski broke the silence, "The committee summoned you, I take it?"

"Hardly any time since the battle and they demand an explanation," Gendo growled, genuine annoyance in his tone.

"I take it they weren't pleased with our use of Unit 02?"

"They were displeased of very many things but couldn't deny that we got off lucky, all things considered."

"Maybe too lucky?"

Gendo hummed in thought, "Rei's actions...they did more than I thought. It appears Yui's assistance was not needed."

"What of Rei? Do the committee suspect anything of what happened to her?" Fuyutski tilted his head.

"No one suspects a thing," Gendo murmured, "Though I had hoped it wouldn't come to...that."

"At the very least, Unit Zero is intact. Ah, maybe not intact but able to be fixed."

"There remains the issue of if she can synchronize with it,"

Fuyutski raised his eyebrows in surprise, "You believe that may be an issue?"

Lowering his eyelids to take in the outside with a thoughtful expression, Gendo said, "Dr. Akagi has brought up some good points. The chances of the integrity of Unit Zero's core being compromised are high and even if it remains in one piece, whose to say Rei herself may be the problem. I do not feel comfortable hedging my bets on that until the Doctor looks into it."

"I believe that's wise."

Silence lingered between them and, seeing as he hadn't been dismissed yet, Fuyutski spoke up once more, "I sense there is still something on your mind, Ikari."

"The Dead Sea Scrolls indicated Zeruel would be so mighty, so fearsome that I assumed we may need...outside intervention. But none materialized."

"You were hoping for a contingency plan," Fuyutski surmised.

"...you may say that."

"Don't worry, Ikari. In the case of Unit 01, she's got a few more chances to re-align with your plan."

---

Asuka slept through the night, thanks to a second stronger painkiller from the nurse. She had really needed it as the pain behind her eyes hadn't been helped by all the moving around. The day passed as normally as a day in the hospital did; she was subject to periodic blood tests, she visited Kaworu and Shinji for a short amount of time but mostly spent the day in bed, bored out of her mind.

When Misato burst into her room that evening, shortly after dinner, she was almost happy for the distraction. She cocked her head at her, when she stopped to catch her breath, "What's got you in a rush, Misato?"

Breathless, Misato cried, "Rei's...she's awake!"

"Rei's awake?!" Asuka echoed.

She nodded, "Ritsuko just told me she got the clear to move her to the main hospital!"

Something about the timeline felt wrong to Asuka but she decided against looking a gift horse in the mouth. Instead, she got up and let Misato lead her from her room to Rei's, her heart threatening to burst from her chest. Rei was alright, Rei was alright, Rei was alright! She could hardly think of anything else but that mantra ringing through her head.

Misato left her at the door with the stern instructions to get a nurse to walk her back to her room. Asuka felt she could make it back well enough on her own but promised her nonetheless, if only to make her feel better. Once she was gone, she lingered outside the door, almost frightened at what she'd find on the other side.

With a deep inhale, she opened the door and stepped inside.

Rei was laying on her bed, bandaged all over, and staring at the white ceiling with a half-hooded gaze. She stopped and called, "Rei?"

The other girl turned to face her and Asuka froze. Her eyes...they were wrong. Where they had been warm and vibrant, they now seemed cold, like the sea at the end of the world. Rei murmured, "You are...Pilot Soryu."

Even her tone was off; it was stilted and monotone. Before, even though she never spoke as spirited as say herself, Asuka could determine what exactly she meant. But now? She sounded as if she felt nothing. And that wasn't even touching what she had said.

"You agreed to call me Asuka," a petulant note entered her tone, "I made you call me Asuka. Remember?"

"I apologize…," Rei furrowed her eyebrows in thought, "Dr. Akagi said that the brain trauma I suffered might affect my memory. I don't remember what happened. Could you...tell me what happened...Asuka?"

"Well, after Kaworu got beat by the Angel, you came up and used an N2 Mine to damage the Angel," she made a bubble with her hands, "You did something with your AT Field to like...concentrate the damage."

"And then you and Ikari...Shinji...you two defeated it?"

She nodded slowly, "But it was you who really damaged it. Me and Shinji just finished it off. Without you, I don't know how we would have done it."

"I see," Rei closed her eyes, "I'm...glad then. I'm glad my actions helped my friends."

Something about her tone seemed less telling Asuka this and more telling herself this. Brain trauma certainly tracked with her behavior but if that was the case, why was Rei even here? Surely, she should still be in intensive care. "Dr. Akagi must have did some real miracle work to get you in here so fast," she commented.

"All I remember is her telling me that I suffered some brain trauma from the battle and brought me here," Rei trailed off, staring off into space, her eyes unfocusing.

Like silhouettes through fog, her memory of the past day or so were hazy. She remembered being pulled from LCL, coughing it from her lungs before she took her first, shaky breath of air. Dr. Akagi was there and...so was the Commander. He looked at her with a melancholy expression on his face and, instinctively, she knew it was alien to him.

Her eyes widened with realization, "So...I am the third one."

"I...don't understand," Asuka frowned, "What you mean by that?"

Rei opened her mouth to explain then closed it. A wave of fear washed over her and she collapsed into herself, hugging her arms to herself. What would Asuka think of her, if she knew her true nature? Nothing good, surely.

"Rei!" Asuka cried, moving in to do...something. Anything to comfort her.

"Go."

"Huh?"

Rei looked up at her, a wild, scared, and confused look in her eyes, "I need you to go away. Leave me alone!" she cried.

Asuka beat a hasty retreat, muttering a hurried farewell as she stepped out into the hall as she let the door snap shut behind her. Then she stood there, staring out the window, out into the ravaged Geofront beyond.

Something was really wrong.

---

All that confusion with Rei had only made Asuka's headache return. She had no idea what to make of Rei's bizarre behavior. Sure, brain damage could certainly make someone act weird but her recovery time had been downright miraculous! Misato was right; there was no such thing as miracles but the ones one made themselves. So she had to wonder who and how had this miracle come to be? She eventually fell asleep, mind swirling with confusion and thoughts of Rei.

But rest didn't come for long because Asuka was awoken late into the night with someone shaking her shoulder and whispering, "Asuka. Wake up."

She grumbled, still not awake, and rolled over to find Shinji looking over her. She sharply gasped. For a split-second, her brain panicked before it registered that she had not woken from a coma and Shinji wasn't doing anything...uncouth.

He frowned, "Sorry...did I scare you?"

"Shinji? The hell? What are you doing in my room?" she demanded, rather than answer his question.

He nodded but held a finger up to his lips, "Don't be so loud. Come take a walk with me. Please."

She had no idea why he would ask such a thing, with the fact he was so injured. And they weren't supposed to leave the hospital. And why had he come to her? They had gotten closer in this world but she was far from the closest person to him. She started to get up and he retreated to the door. "Why me and not, say, Kaworu?" she asked as she got up.

"I have my reasons," he murmured cryptically.

Then, sheepishly, he added, "And I'm not sure if he can make a walk."

"You say that like you can make that walk," she grumbled but walked over to him.

"It won't be easy but I'll make it," he sighed and beckoned her to follow him.

Asuka was only more confused, not at all soothed by his attempt to hide his weird response. He led her out of the medical bay, a faux confidence in his strike even as he notably favored one leg. Hopefully, if someone saw them wandering around, they'd mind their own business about it.

He led them through and out the hospital, taking a long away around and a back way out. Their journey through the base was nearly as convoluted, as he took great care to take a route that would stop them from encountering anyone. They got a respite once they boarded one of the trams and both collapsed into a seat with a sigh of relief. Asuka murmured, "You're taking us all the way to the surface?"

He nodded, "You'll understand when I tell you."

Asuka couldn't really chastise him for going out of his way to make sure no one would overhear them lest she be the biggest hypocrite in the world. But her and Kaworu had their reasons for skulking about. As far as she knew or could fathom, he didn't.

They emerged onto the surface and continued their walk into the night. It was starting to take a toll on her; a deep soreness had settled into her bones and even her shoulder was aching once more. Even Shinji's limp was worsening but he had steeled his expression. Whatever it was he had to tell her, he certainly believed this was all worth it.

With a soft yelp, he stumbled and nearly fell. He would have if she didn't jump to grab him. He tensed in her grasp but ultimately didn't fight her when she shouldered him. Her cheeks burned. The last time she had touched him was that not-a-kiss. She grumbled, no bite to her bark, "Idiot Ikari, this better be worth it."

"It will," he murmured.

They didn't get going immediately, both of them taking a moment to catch their breath. Finally, she told him, "Move to my blind side. You can make sure I don't walk into anything and I'll keep you upright."

He complied but chuckled. She bristled, "What's so funny?"

"It's just," he gave her a smile, "There's always gotta be a give n' take with you, huh?"

"I thought you might appreciate helping me," she scowled.

"I do," he told her truthfully.

They continued onwards through the quiet, withdrawn parts of the city until Shinji murmured, "Here's good enough."

She let go of him where they stopped, under a streetlight. She turned to face him where he stood under the light, it casting him in dark and dramatic lighting. His gaze was fixed at the sky, specifically the waning moon, then it drifted to her. It lingered on her face and he murmured, "You said your eye was damaged."

She nodded, "Doctors said it'll recover or it won't."

His gaze drifted to the ground. "I remember I saw how hurt everyone was and when I saw the Angel bashing your head in...I nearly lost myself again. Good thing Mari was there." he murmured.

"So she was there. What happened to her?"

He shrugged, "When I woke back up, when the medical team got to me, she was gone. I hope she's alright. She has to be almost as hurt as I am."

She privately wondered what the effects of that had been, if her and Kaworu's attempt to sync together was any indication. That would line up in a way that made sense. Why he was behaving so oddly...Mari syncing with him in 01 must have made him remember, just like what happened to her.

He sighed, "So your eye...what if it doesn't recover?"

"I guess I'll have to wear an eyepatch," she shrugged, "Why are you so fixated on it?"

He clenched his fists and shook his head, "Why does this always happen?!"

"What always happens?" she asked.

"You!" he gestured to her, "Your eye! Something always happens to it!"

"Shinji, you better start making sense really quick or I'm marching you right back to that hospital," she warned in a low tone, having lost patience for his cryptic statements, whether or not Mari's influence was the reason for them.

He frowned, a hurt expression flashing across his face before a simpler, melancholic one replaced it, "You're right. I'll try my best but I don't know if it'll make sense."

He took a deep breath:

"This has happened before and if I can't fix it, it will happen again."

It was as she expected. Words tumbled out of her mouth, "I know."

He recoiled, genuine surprise on his face, "You...do?"

She nodded, "Let me guess. You remembered when you synced with Mari, right?"

To her great surprise, his eyes widened further, "No? I mean, I did remember things when we synced but...I already knew about all of that."

His cryptic statements. How his reactions sometimes came off as "out-of-place". His improved confidence. The fact he was so close to Rei before she even arrived. Even how he didn't rely on his father's praise, despite wanting to connect!

He had been in the know all along!

"That's why you weren't acting exactly like I remembered," she murmured, "All this time."

"You noticed?" he frowned.

"Only because I knew what you were like before and even then, I just wrote it off as another random change," she assured him, "This is the last reason I would have thought you were acting like that!"

He relaxed and after a moment of thought came to a realization, "Hold on...if you remember because you synced with Kaworu...he remembers too?"

She smiled weakly, "Yep. You really should have gotten Kaworu instead though. It sounds like he's the patient zero of this whole loop business."

Shinji frowned deeply, "...I feel like I should have seen that coming."

He sighed and sat on the curb, "I wanted to tell you first because I figured if you didn't believe me...it wouldn't hurt as much."

Ouch. She wanted to be insulted but she could only imagine how much it would ache if Kaworu told him that. It became a little easier to do if she put herself and Rei into their positions.

She couldn't even confide in Rei if she wanted to.

She sat beside him, "Alright, Ikari. What do you remember?"

He frowned at the use of his surname but didn't complain. He leaned his head back, looking at the night sky as he thought back, "Things were pretty similar up until after the diamond Angel."

Asuka had never seen the "diamond Angel" in person but had seen enough footage to understand which one he meant. So everything was similar up until it showed up.

"Then you showed up and I'm pretty sure that's where things went off the rails. Uhm...I don't remember what things were like before but I've kinda worked out how things are "supposed" to go with everything after."

"I remember the first loop," she assured, "We can share notes."

"That means this was going on before I got involved," he murmured, "How long as this been going on?"

"I can't tell you that but I can tell you to hurry up and start explaining yourself," she pressed, the bite still missing from her words.

"It's a long story," he told her, "But I'll do my best."

It began actually in the loop Kaworu told her of, where things went off the rails. At this last Angel attack, Shinji had lost himself, becoming something beyond human and almost starting the Third Impact. The actual thing would come later.

It was all for Ayanami's sake, he said. He had done it all for her.

As he slumbered for fifteen long years after, the world below changed—the actual Third Impact happened when they tried to move Unit 01 and it had attempted to restart the process of Instrumentality.

"WILLE, they were the people opposing NERV, they eventually got me out of Unit 01. Everyone was so mad at me so no one explained to me what happened. So when my father sent Rei to collect me, I went with her. I figured maybe he would explain to me what happened," he murmured, "Turns out, he just wanted to use me as a tool again."

Asuka scowled, "How am I not surprised?"

Shinji sighed, "I wish I had realized he was going to sooner. Kaworu was there at the old NERV HQ and he thought were could use the Lances to fix the world, not end it like my father wanted to. In that world, there was more than one Lance and they had real power. I don't think he was lying to me, I think we could have done it but...we were lead into a trap. The world almost ended all over again and it was all my fault! The only reason it didn't go all the way was because Kaworu had to sacrifice himself!"

He had to...sacrifice himself?

A cold horror settled into her stomach as the thought. Yet, it completely tracked with the kind of person he was. Of course he would throw himself onto a proverbial bomb to save Shinji and the whole world.

"That tracks," she murmured.

"It's the kind of person he is," Shinji said sadly, "He always puts others before himself."

"Did it end there?" she asked.

By the look on his face, how it twisted into one of annoyance and frustration, it didn't. He shook his head, "Afterwards, you were the one who brought me to the village where everyone was living at the time...Toji, Hikari...Kensuke. I didn't know what to do with myself for a long time. I thought I was beyond saving, that my actions were too terrible to atone for."

He shook his head and when he spoke again, his voice was noticeably choked, "Rei helped me see that I wasn't beyond salvation. That people still cared for me."

Asuka nearly wanted to ask him what happened to her but decided against it. His tone told her enough and she decided she'd rather she was left in the dark on this one.

He continued softly, "It was her that gave me the courage to get back in the Eva and confront my father. Even though he ended up starting a...Final Impact, I was able to talk to him. We came to an understanding and I was about to use that power to change everyone's fate. I was going to give everyone a happy ending but…"

His tone took on a grave air, "...something went wrong."

"Shinji, I…" the elder Ikari moved in to embrace his son and Shinji, elated he had gotten through to him, moved to accept.

With a heavy clunk, the doors to the train shot open and an invisible force grabbed and pulled Shinji away from him and back onto it. His father was sent sprawling onto the train station by the same force. "Father?!" Shinji scrambled to meet him outside—only for the doors of the train to slam shut in his face.

Outside, Gendo looked frightened and confused. It was the last Shinji saw of him before the train shot away through the white void outside.

"This isn't right."

Shinji turned to find Rei standing behind him, looking as she did before she disappeared before the Near Third Impact. She looked uncharacteristically anxious. "Rei?!" he cried, "Something's wrong!"

"I know but I fear there's no more we can do here," she pointed to the window where the reality outside had become a muddy smear of color, "Time is rushing towards the next reality."

He pushed away his confusion as to why she looked so different. He had seen the original Rei Ayanami when he entered Unit 01 and she hadn't looked like this. Like a phantom from way back when, when he came to Tokyo-3 for the first time.

He was getting the sense it wasn't going to matter very soon though. He swallowed thickly, "So this is the end."

"We have a little bit more time. Though my options are diminished, you still have a desire I can bring to fruition. So tell me Shinji Ikari," her red eyes bore into his own blue eyes, "What is it you desire?"

"I have...I have to do it again. I can do it better if I've got another chance. I'll do...I'll do whatever it takes," he decided, staring back at her, blue eyes meeting red.

"Whatever it takes," he repeated.

Gently, she took his hands and smiled, pleased with his choice, "It shall be so. In that case, whether I know it or not, we shall be seeing each other very soon."

With that, reality as he knew it, dissolved into a smear of color.

And he woke up. On the train towards Tokyo-3, on a sweltering summer morning.

"The first time I came back, I tried to talk to my father right away. But he freaked out and sent me away. The second time, I tried to dodge the diamond Angel's blast and got boiled in my Entry Plug."

"First of all, that's nightmarish. Second of all, so that's what Rei did; she gave you the ability to keep at it until you got it right," Asuka concluded.

Another Rei; a different Rei. The more she learned about the girl, the less she felt she understood about her nature.

He nodded. Asuka shook her head, "I never would have thought you had it in you, Ikari."

"I didn't either, honestly," he flashed her a sad smile, "It got really tiring really fast and started feeling like I was throwing myself into a wall over and over...but I couldn't give up on everyone. I wanted to make sure we all got, at least, a happier ending."

Asuka shook her head, "You, Kaworu...even Mari. I don't know how you all found the strength to keep going. I don't know if I could."

"You could," he assured her, "I know you could."

She returned his sad smile. She wasn't so sure if he was right but it was a nice sentiment at least. "So, my turn now, right?"

She recounted what had happened when she synchronized with Kaworu aboard Unit 02, something that felt like almost a life ago now. She lingered on how terrifying it was, remembering things she had known she shouldn't. How she had even been furious at Kaworu for a time until she realized he would accept her, no matter what, because he had known her before.

"He's good at that," Shinji murmured, "I guess it's not just me. He extends that courtesy to everyone."

Now, she launched into a rather abridged account of the original timeline. She glossed over her childhood, especially since it seemed Shinji knew the bare minimum; that her mother had all-but-died synchronizing with the Eva and that this wasn't a topic she was keen on delving deeper into at that time. Maybe she owed him that but even if she did, it wasn't now she did.

She quickly went over what had happened in the previous world up until now and how, when facing off against Zeruel, this time Unit 01 went berserk and consumed it, like 02 had Leliel.

Shinji's eyebrows raised at this news, "So...if we didn't defeat that Angel, do you think my mom would have done that?"

"If it was to save you, absolutely," Asuka nodded, "If she's anything like mine, that is."

She gave only as much information as she had to for the next three Angels. But she did tell him that the next one had shattered her, the one after that had done something terrible to Rei (though admitted she was too "up her own ass" to understand what it was) and that the last Angel, whatever form it had come in, had broken him completely. All during this, his expression became truly grave and he didn't say a thing until he murmured, "Then, let me guess, the world ended."

"More or less," she admitted, "The government, I think the JSSDF, attacked NERV. The Eva series was deployed and...I tried to fight them but…"

He cut her off, "You don't have to tell me everything."

She nodded and even though she tried to keep her tone level, her voice cracked, "I've already glossed over so much. From there, the Third Impact happened."

"I must have been a pretty terrible person to let it happen," he murmured, almost too quiet to hear.

"You did let it happen...but you also ended it. You let us all leave the red sea."

She didn't say anything about what happened on the beach, decided there was no reason to throw the actions of another him at him. It wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, she decided.

He spoke again, "I must have been pretty terrible to you back then."

"What makes you think that?" she replied, barely keeping the bite from her tone.

"I started the Third Impact then too. And you just glossed over everything regarding how we were then," he pointed out.

Crossing her arms, she scowled, "Well, don't bother apologizing for him! An apology from you...it would be less than worthless!"

To her surprise, he smiled at her, a playful note in his eyes, "Of course...you've always hated it when I apologized when I didn't need to."

Then, to her even greater surprise, he leaned in and embraced her. She froze, her jaw popping open in her bewilderment. Even when she pined for him romantically, he had never touched her. She had all but begged for it but he couldn't do it. Now, when they were definitively nothing but friends, she had gotten what she wanted. A different Shinji from the one she had known but one that had been through unimaginable turmoil. If he could do it...then so could she.

She carefully returned the embrace and they simply sat there for a minute, or maybe more. Finally, he broke away, a flustered warmth to his cheeks, "Maybe...maybe that'll make up for it."

"I don't know why you feel like you have to make up for someone else's actions," she grumbled, though her cheeks had also lit up crimson, "But we're still just friends, got it?!"

He chuckled, "Yeah, um. I'd hate to give the wrong impression. But friends can hug, right?"

He sighed and leaned back, once more looking up at the starry sky. She followed his gaze and thought of how the sky had looked then, at the end of the world. He murmured, "It's so weird. It's like I've already learned my lesson but I just gotta keep going."

"If Kaji was here, I bet he'd say like," she paused and mimicked him with an overly sauve tone, "Even after you stop being a child, you keep learning."

The pair broke into a fit of laughter—a fit that was quickly cut off by a voice in the darkness.

"He would. And he would also ask why the hell are you two roaming around in the night?!"

The pair scrambled in shock, turning to find Ryoji Kaji had emerged from the dark and now loomed over them. Though his eyes had an edge to them, he looked rather concerned at having found them there. Asuka stammered, "You followed us?"

"I noticed you two on the cameras," he explained.

"What were you looking at the cameras for?" Shinji countered.

"That's not important," he dismissed easily though a shifting from foot to foot betrayed his uneasiness at his counter-question.

The pair shared an anxious glance. Shinji murmured, "So how long have you been there? What did you hear?"

"Long enough to hear a whole lot of stuff I don't think I should believe. But," he tilted his head, thoughtful, "You two believe each other just fine. So I might be inclined to believe you."

He jabbed a finger down the road, "Come with me and let's talk somewhere that's not in the middle of the street."

As it turned out, Kaji had actually followed them in his car. Asuka was impressed and when she pressed him on how he did it without them noticing, he winked, "Comes with the job."

He drove them farther out of Tokyo-3, to an area undergoing construction that seemed forever delayed. There was a lot of places like that nowadays in and around the city, as many realized the folly in remaining there, much less attempting to build onto an already doomed city. Half-wrecked buildings, one of which a warehouse, squatted in the weeds and the forest encroached upon the city's dying outskirts. Kaji parked them in a faded and grown-over parking lot under a flickering streetlight. He twisted in his seat to face where they sat in the backseat and began, "So let me break this down in simple terms: you two are saying time has been repeating and you are experiencing it every time it loops?"

Shinji cringed, "There's more nuance than that."

"I said simple terms."

"Then more or less," Asuka agreed.

Kaji sighed and his whole frame slumped, as if they had dropped the whole world on top of him. He muttered, "Children fighting a fight on every front imaginable."

"Um, excuse me asking, but you really believe us?" Shinji said quietly.

Kaji nodded, "Let's just say, with some of the stuff I've been learning, that reality is quick becoming weirder than fiction. As they say: this might as well happen."

Shinji relaxed and seemed to accept this but Asuka pressed, "How do you know about things like that?"

He looked from one to the other with an expression of reluctance. He said, "I suppose there is no reason to keep secrets among the three of us. I'm a spy. For NERV, for the government...for others."

"So you're working against NERV?"

He barked a quick laugh, "As if! Asuka, what I do, is for me and me alone at the end of the day. I would like to prevent bloodshed but if I may be so honest, my motives are entirely selfish."

Asuka's eyebrows raised so far they disappeared into her bangs. The Kaji she had known, suave, playful and ultimately wise...was a lie?

As if he could read her mind, he murmured, "Asuka. I hope you may forgive me for keeping secrets but I hadn't hoped you—or any of you kids really—might get roped into this."

"I just can't believe the you I knew is a complete lie," she grumbled.

"Not a lie," he assured her, "A mask perhaps, but all good masks hold a piece of the truth."

He rubbed a hand to his face and with a sigh, he said, "Now, forgive me but I'd like to cut to the chase. So the Third Impact will happen?"

"We're trying to prevent that," Shinji told him.

"What's the plan then?"

To his dismay, the pair looked to each other then him helplessly. Finally, Asuka swallowed thickly and admitted, "I was figuring it out as I went."

Shinji nodded, "I figured we should focus on getting rid of the Angels first. Then we figure out how stop my father or the shady organization above him from starting Third Impact. I'm just...not quite sure how exactly we do that last one."

Kaji shook his head, "I suppose you are just children, even children with a burden heavier than the world itself. How about I help you kids?"

"Help us?!" Shinji sounded positively aghast, "Won't that get you in trouble?"

"I already make a habit of flirting with Death," he shrugged, "I think throwing my lot in with you two is better than anyone else I've tried."

The pair once more shared a glance and he could tell they were still reluctant to let him assist. How long had they both fought, believing they were alone in their duty? Even though they now had each other, and also the enigmatic Fourth Child it seemed, there was only so much children alone could bear. If he knew about this but didn't offer them help...he was afraid what feelings he had for Katsuragi would become moot, with how furious she'd be.

And feelings aside, this was possibly his best shot at finding the truth. And the best shot he had to avert another tragedy.

He asked, "Shinji, do you even know the name of that "shady organization"?"

His face fell and slowly, he shook his head. He answered, "I'd presume you mean SEELE."

Asuka scrunched her face up, "Soul?"

"Not very subtle, huh?" he grinned, though it didn't quite meet his eyes.

"What do they want Third Impact to happen for?" Shinji asked.

"I see you've got a gap in your knowledge. Allow me to fill you in. You kids ever heard of the Illuminati?"

"They're like, the thing on the US dollar bill?" Asuka ventured, shaping her fingers into a triangle shape, "They're not real."

"You'd be correct. But SEELE is basically that. Big shadowy organization with their fingers in everything—including the UN. But they're also a doomsday cult. They desire to evolve humanity to its next form within Instrumentality. Together, with no pain and no pleasure, we will have evolved to our final perfect state. And they believe within this, they'll be elevated to the rank of God."

He gave the children a couple moments to process this before Asuka stuck out her tongue in disgust, "Disgusting! Sounds really nice on paper but the reality is awful! It's mass delusion!"

"So there has been at least one world where the Instrumentality of mankind happened," Kaji mused, "I suppose that confirms my work isn't over yet."

"You can't do that!" Asuka cried, "You…"

"...die?" he raised an eyebrow, "I can't go off and disappear now. I can't leave it solely in your hands."

"If you went off and disappeared, you'd be doing us a huge favor!" Shinji pleaded, "That's helping in itself!"

"You want me to step out of this to spare Katsuragi's feelings, huh?"

Immediately, the boy hushed up and looked away, sheepish to have exposed her true feelings. Unbeknowst to him, Kaji was already well aware of where him and her stood. He continued, "If Katsuragi finds that I could have helped you two and didn't...well, let's just say, I wouldn't have to be afraid of being found out. She'd kill me herself!"

Asuka snorted at the thought but didn't argue with him. Shinji didn't reply, not even to find humor in his little joke.

He frowned. He had one final hand he could play, the one he held close to his heart, the one he hadn't even showed Katsuragi. If anything might show them why this was so important to him, why he couldn't let a pair of teenagers out into this cruel world alone...it would be that one. He murmured, "Since you two told me all this, I owe you somewhat of an explanation too. As to why I'm doing all this...what my past was like."

That got their attention and both rose to attention, burning curiosity in their eyes.

In Asuka's previous life, she hadn't thought at all about his past, too wrapped up in her own infatuation to ask what it might have been like. She had supposed that, since he never said anything of it, it must have not been anything of note. Now she realized that had been pretty callous of her, to not even had an interest in it. In her current life, she hadn't pried because she hadn't thought it her business. Every time someone mentioned Second Impact in his vicinity, she did notice his expression would shift ever so slightly, the light from his eyes draining.

In Shinji's case, he had also hadn't thought it was his business. He had picked up it had something to do with Second Impact, especially when Kaji had taken them to the marine preservation zone so long ago. That cherished memory felt like so long ago now.

"Mr. Kaji, you don't have to do that," he began to protest once more.

Kaji himself put a hand up, "You kids just told me more than a lifetime's worth of memories. I think I can spare a few terrible years. It might provide you kids...some perspective. Get you to see why helping you means so much to me."

The two, once more, shared a glance and, deciding this must be important to him for some reason, nodded to let him go on.

With a sigh, Kaji began, "I wasn't lying to you when I said my father died during Second Impact, Shinji. So did my mother. It left me and my younger brother, who was only four years younger, orphans then. There were lots of orphans then—makes sense as billions died. The world was in chaos—though it might be better suited to call it hell.

The government was going around, rounding all the kids up, but what were they to do for us? Me and my brother ended up in a mass shelter but it wasn't much better then. It was hard living. Very little space, very little food, very little anything. Not even enough adults to watch over us so they tried to keep control of us with harsh rules and the like. It ended up being too much to bear. So us, and some other kids broke out. We figured we might have better chance on our own."

"Did you?" Shinji asked.

Kaji shrugged, "Marginally. You two, please understand...it was a different time then. We had to resort to stealing, looting, anything just to make it to the next day. Every story you've read about the post-apocalypse, it was real. But as time went on and places got picked over by scavengers, just like us...the shelter seemed almost better.

Until we scouted out this military warehouse. I can't say there was much in the way of security so as long as we only took a little and only one at a time, we went largely undetected. At least, we had thought so."

He sighed, his eyes once more going foggy, "That day...it was my turn."

A lingering dread settled in Asuka's stomach. She hadn't a clue he had struggled this much. Sure, she had heard that the times after Second Impact were hard but having been so young and relatively privileged, it had felt far away, as it was just some post-apocalyptic tale of fiction.

"...I was caught. And the military types...well, they loved to send a message. I tried to lie, tell them I was alone and all I got was beaten bloody and blue. Until one of them...they offered me something of a deal. It was perfectly within the laws—their military laws, that is—that trespassers can be shot. So that was the terms: I give up my brother and our friends and I keep my life."

"You didn't," Shinji murmured.

"I was scared to die," Kaji's mask slipped entirely and it showed his true feelings; a haunted look in his eyes, "There's never been a time since that I was more scared to die."

He inhaled, the sound shaky, sounding almost like a death rattle, "So I did the unthinkable. They left me there with a guard to go confirm it but I was able to give them the slip. Maybe, I thought, I could make it there before the soldiers, warn them…"

He shook his head, "It was too late. I should have known, when I saw the soldiers burning rubber, making their getaway. But I can to confirm it with my own eyes. The bodies...the body of my brother...it will never leave my memory."

"How could you?!" Shinji bolted up, a fierce look in his eyes, "You might as well have killed them yourself!"

"Shinji!" Asuka snapped, grabbing his shoulder and yanking him back from Kaji, "It was a different time!"

She looked back at him, away from Shinji's shuddering and furious frame, "...it was a different time...right?"

"He's right," Kaji murmured, a soft, sad smile creasing his lips, "I'm alive today to tell you this story because I took the lives of my friends...and my brother."

A silence settled over them and Kaji allowed it to stretch for a few moments before he continued, "I can't say I didn't feel guilty. Nor can I say I didn't try to...let's say, leave this world and rejoin my brother. But call it cowardice, call it punishment, call it whatever, I couldn't go through with it.

In those days, I did a lot of thinking. And life went on. But I couldn't shake the feeling that Second Impact was not a freak accident. There was someone behind it and they needed to be punished. So that's how I decided I got to keep on living: if I could find out the full truth, I would be forgiven by my brother."

"Have you ever told Misato?" Asuka asked in a hushed tone.

"I should have," he admitted, "I had plenty chances to but I couldn't bring myself to. I was sure she would hate me if she knew. But doesn't that make me a coward? She told me all about her past yet I can't bring myself to tell her my own."

He sighed, "Speaking of Katsuragi…I ended up eventually getting my life together. I found some relatives to house me then went to college. There...I met her. And not to be sappy, but she is still the only woman I have ever loved…"

He trailed off, "Yet, in the end, I was a coward, as I am now. When we broke up, I didn't fight her. I felt I must have deserved that heartbreak. After all, why did I get to be happy if my brother never even got the chance to? I don't feel like I'll earn that until I learn the full truth."

"That's a stupid reason," Asuka scowled, "You're just finding an excuse to deny yourself happiness!"

To her surprise, her former guardian didn't get angry. He only chuckled, "Oh, Asuka. You've matured so much yet so little. You'll understand you get to be my age."

She scowled, "Everyone always says that! But I'm more than mature now!"

"If you say so," he smiled wryly at her, "Why don't you try that spiel on Katsuragi? See if her answer differs from mine. Her...me...neither of us deserve happiness, for our cowardice. All we can hope for is to become a person who feels we deserve it."

Kaji nodded at Shinji, who had deflated, his anger purged from him, "This is why that, when I heard your story, I felt a kinship with you, Shinji."

He blinked, "Me?"

Kaji nodded, "Both of our actions led to others dying so we struggle to make it right. To redeem ourselves. Perhaps I don't yet deserve happiness but I don't believe I can say the same for you."

Shinji opened his mouth to protest it then, on second thought, closed it, furrowing his eyebrows. He murmured, "To redeem myself, whatever it takes...I understand you now, Mr. Kaji."

"Then I assume you two understand now why helping you is not a choice to me, but a foregone conclusion. So let me ask once more: do you have any questions? Anything you think I can help with?"

The pair shared a long, hard glance. Asuka furrowed her eyebrows, "Something has come to mind."

"Do share."

"This is assuming things go mostly like they did," Asuka put up a finger and waggled it, "Things are changing more and more but last time around, before Shinji's dad could execute his plan, the JSSDF was sent in to basically kill everyone."

Kaji nodded, "I recall you told Shinji this. So you think I might be able to do something about it?"

"You are in the best position," Shinji murmured, "But that's so dangerous…"

"I already knew it was going to be dangerous," Kaji dismissed him, "But luckily, this is my style. If I can get a hold of this plan, I can bring it back to you...but then what?"

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.

"What are a couple of kids going to do with sensitive plans? I think you might need to bring a few more people into the fold, at least right before the ending."

Shinji crossed his arms then admitted, "I thought about telling Misato before. Miss Ritsuko too but I need hard evidence she's not working with my father."

"Or can be swayed away from him," Asuka pointed out.

Kaji was rubbing his chin in thought, "Ritsuko is pretty mired in this whole thing. But Asuka might have a point about being swayed away. You didn't hear this from me but I'm thinking she's involved with Maya. Preventing the end of the world and saving her lady lover? That oughtta mean something to her."

"Fantastisch!" Asuka clapped her hands together.

Kaji rubbed his stubble, "I better get you two back now. It won't do for someone to notice any of our absences."

"Wait, Mr. Kaji!" Shinji cried, "Will you be leaving right away?"

He did a 'sorta' gesture with his hands, "Not right away but soon. I'll be sure to send along a message when I go. And I assure you we will talk once more before this is all over—that is, if I make it through this."

"You have to make it through this," Shinji urged, "For Misato!"

He chuckled as he turned away to start up the car, "Fair enough. I'll have to return else she'll never forgive me for it."

---

When the three returned to HQ, there was no welcoming committee which meant at the very least no one had noticed they had snuck out that evening. But the following morning, Misato visited Asuka shortly after breakfast. By the scowl on her face when she first came in, she already knew she was in for a dressing down. Might as well take it with some dignity, she decided as she straightened.

Misato stopped by her bed, "So I heard you and Shinji went wondering last night."

Asuka returned her scowl in turn, "I thought Kaji was going to cover for us…"

"For the most part but he did tell me," she told her.

She should have expected Kaji would have gone ahead and told her. He probably felt an obligation towards her. Judging by Misato's reaction, he hadn't told her why they had left so she couldn't stay mad at him. He was really helping them out of a jam.

"What of it?" Asuka raised her chin at her. Which didn't quite have the desired effect when in a hospital bed.

Misato held her gaze for a few moments, eyes narrowed. Then she slumped, her expression crumpling into itself to show her true exhaustion, "You two know you're really hurt, right?"

"Me n' Shinji are perfectly alright! The best even," she shrugged.

"You say that but Shinji's arm is still strained and you still can't see out an eye! Hell, Kaji told me Shinji's got a limp which means he's reaggravated his injury from the Angel before last," she crossed her arm and sighed, "I'm getting the sense you two aren't taking this very seriously."

They were probably the ones taking it the most seriously but she didn't know that. She told her, "Shinji really had to get some actual fresh air. I told him I thought it was a little much but did he listen? Noooo!"

Misato scoffed, "Throwing poor Shinji under the bus, are you now?"

"Absolutely not! It wasn't my choice but I still stand by it," she crossed her arms and once more, raised her chin in defiance.

"Just don't do it again," she waved her off, "And if we want to argue semantics, Rei's the best off...somehow…"

Asuka frowned, remembered the state she had seen Rei last in. It was pretty weird Rei was doing as well as she was. Realistically, she should be so injured she was still in the intensive care unit. But she had walked away from the fight like she had merely been beat around a bit, not caught in a point-blank explosion made a dozen times worse by the near-containment of it by her AT Field.

She should have asked Shinji if he might know why Rei was behaving so oddly and if NERV had some magical solution to healing her so quickly.

And even discounting her physical injuries—or rather lack thereof—something had gone wrong in that last engagement. She pressed, "That is weird, isn't it?"

"I'm glad we're both thinking that same thing but honestly, I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth," Misato admitted, "I was assuming Ritsuko had worked some sorta top-secret science magic."

Asuka didn't know what to say that. It was likely Ritsuko was involved in Rei's miraculous recovery; after all, miracles didn't happen unless someone worked to make it so. But she didn't want to say something and validate Misato, lest she start poking her nose where it didn't belong. Learning Kaji was doing that was too much already.

"Earth to Asuka?" Misato waved a hand in front of her face, breaking her of her thoughts.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"I was wondering if I should bring you something," she said, "I know how boring it was so I was thinking I could bring you something to pass the time! Rei's already asked me if I could bring her a book."

She gasped, "Wait! I've got it! I'll find a board game for you all to play!"

Asuka groaned. Back to the mundane, she supposed. "Don't do that! Rei gets weirdly into it and Shinji's a sore loser."

"In that case, that's a great idea!" Misato cheered, as if she hadn't heard her reasons at all, "That should cheer Rei up!"

Unfortunately for Asuka, Misato only technically listened, returning later that night not with a board game but a worn deck of UNO cards from one of the rec rooms. Asuka recognized the game and reluctantly explained the rules to the quartet gathered in Kaworu's room.

But her complaints remained the same: Rei took a little while to grasp the game but still got so good she was winning most of the time and Shinji did a lot of scowling when he lost.

Still, this allowed Asuka to forget all her worries for a little while and pretend that everything was alright.

They eventually all filed out of Kaworu's room so they could all get rest. It was to her great surprise that Rei insisted on making sure her and Shinji got to their rooms alright. When they arrived to Asuka's room, Rei stopped. Asuka turned on her, "What's up?"

"I know this is quite sudden...but would you take a walk with me?"

Asuka raised her eyebrows and asked, "Where to?"

"Just down into the Geofront," she tilted her head to gesture to the window, "Miss Misato said something about fresh air being good. And I remembered something I wanted to see."

Completely confused and at a loss for words, Asuka shrugged, "Eh. Might as well, let's go."

As Rei led them to the reception desk, so they could get a pass down to the Geofront and leave the hospital the right way, Asuka lurked in her thoughts. Rei's behavior was getting weirder and weirder. This was one of the most forward requests she had given her ever. Maybe that was why she had been so inclined to go with it, even with how sore she was from her and Shinji's excursion out the previous night. At the very least this one would be a shorter walk.

They took the elevator down and out into the main Geofront, where the artificial sky was dimmed into an approximation of the night sky outside. Rei led her down a stone walkway, walking with purpose, as if she knew where exactly they were going. Asuka couldn't help but admire the beauty of the artificial landscape—as long as she didn't look in the direction of the pyramid, which still bore a scar from the recent battle. She commented, "Lucky this part didn't get caught up in the battle, huh?"

"Mhm," Rei hummed.

Finally, she stopped them underneath a gazebo and in front of a small fountain which quietly babbled. She blinked a couple times then looked around at their surroundings, as if she had just come out of a trance. Asuka kneeled beside the pool of water around the fountain, dipping her hands into it and enjoying the cool water. Unaware of her companion's confusion, she said, "This is a nice lil place. I never knew this was here!"

"Neither did...I…" Rei trailed off.

Asuka twisted to face her, "You're the one who led us here?"

She nodded slowly, "But I don't think I've ever been here. Maybe in a dream…"

Asuka frowned, "Are you sure you're alright?"

With a quiet sigh she almost missed, Rei lowered herself to sit on the stone ground. She murmured, "I must admit...I'm not feeling very "myself" lately."

Asuka's breath caught. There was some significance to what she was saying but she wasn't sure either of them knew exactly what it was. "Yourself?" she asked.

"Yes, I feel different. I don't like it."

Grasping for straws and a way to comfort her, she shrugged, "Maybe it's just because you're recovering from the battle still."

"Perhaps, Pilot Soryu."

Asuka crossed her arms but tried to keep the hurt note from her voice, "Remember, I told you to call me Asuka, not Soryu."

Rei's face scrunched up in what was undoubtedly an expression of frustration. Such clear show of emotion startled Asuka and she rushed to apologize, "I'm sorry…"

"It's not you," Rei murmured, "I'm having such a hard time remembering...I don't like it. But Dr. Akagi did tell me I may have some trouble remembering things…"

"...she said that."

"It's what she told me."

Asuka had spoken enough double-speak with Kaworu and now Shinji to tell Rei was skirting the truth.

Or perhaps she was being paranoid. She had been purposely not thinking of the details of what might have happened to her but an explosion at that range would have thrown her from her seat within the entry plug and into the metal walls. Still...Rei looked pretty good for someone who might have been violently thrown around the Entry Plug.

"I'm really glad you're okay. I would have thought you would have been worst off."

Rei nodded, "Dr. Akagi is a good doctor."

She was but Asuka suspected there was more to the truth. As much as she wanted to continue pressing Rei for information, she decided against it. Once everyone was out of the hospital, she planned to have herself, Kaworu, Mari and Shinji meet anyway. One of them was bound to know why Rei was acting so oddly. She set aside that line of thought and made a show of shrugging, "That makes sense. No hard feelings?"

"I would like that."

Rei lingered for a few moments more, furrowing her eyebrows again. Asuka frowned but let her think, only commenting, "Something's got you thinking and if something's got you showing this much emotion, it's gotta be bad."

She didn't miss the split second Rei's eyes widened in alarm before she smoothed her expression back into place and complied with her offer. She admitted, "I fear for our friendship."

"Why? You're still my friend, right?"

"You are acting...different. Like how you treated me back then."

Had she? It felt as if her chest was caught in a crushing vice.

During their card game, she realized she had been short with her responses to the other girl and hadn't really been visiting her as much as the other two. And she had fled pretty quickly when she talked to her after the battle but Rei was the one who had the emotional outburst. She pointed out, "You seemed pretty upset at me after I visited you that first time."

"Oh. That wasn't your fault. It's as I said," she paused and looked this way and that, "I haven't been feeling very much like myself."

Deciding to not question her on that again, Asuka set her hand on her arm, "I'm not sure why that might be...but if I hurt your feelings...I didn't mean to."

"Feelings…" Rei mused then looked back at her, "Don't tell anyone I told you this."

She stood and added, "I must go. Good night, Asuka," and left in quite a rush, leaving Asuka alone by the fountain.

"Good night!" she called after her but Rei had left so quickly, she had no idea if she even heard her.

With that, Asuka leaned back and sighed. She wasn't in much of a rush to get up again so she decided there was no problem in sitting here a little while longer. There was no rush to go back to bed because her thoughts would keep her awake for a few hours more, wondering what in the hell was wrong with Rei. Meeting with her friends, getting some answers...that was of prime importance.